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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How Things Change

I haven't written a blog in quite a while for many reasons. My life has changed drastically in the past month. A break up turned into a horrible tragedy, and the world lost one of its most beautiful souls. I can't say much about it due to his family, but he is very missed by many people. I wish so badly that things would have turned out differently and I could have been best friends with this amazing boy instead of losing him. Heaven has gained one smart, funny, "burger" angel after our loss.
I am now fully moved into my condo, and am so thankful to have one of my very best friends in the world as my roommate. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her here with me through this time in my life. I am so, so thankful to my friends. Each and every one of them has helped me more than they can imagine, and because of them I am able to not blame myself and continue on with my life. My wonderful, supportive family has also been here with me, and I am so happy for that. I also am fortunate enough to have been seeing someone who completely understands my pain, and is so unbelievably patient. He listens to me cry, and talk about how much I miss the boy I lost. I cannot believe how lucky I am sometimes to have someone so willing to put up with the intense emotions and stress of this. He was with me the day I found out, and has been with me ever since.
I will always love and miss my sweet boy that is now gone. I so badly wish I could have mourned properly and attended the funeral, and had closure. I wasn't given that opportunity, so I am considering the idea of having a memorial for him, the way he would have wanted to be remembered. Not a day goes by where I don't feel the immense loss his death has caused, but all I can do is live my life and be strong.

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